My Mom passed away early the morning of Friday, July 19, 2013.
Although it was not unexpected, when the news came it hit hard. My dad, my brothers, my sister and Florian--none of us could really imagine life without my mom's irreverent sense of humor, her unconditional support, her overwhelmingly generous love and her uninhibited affection.
Right up until the end, my mom embodied vibrant joy, intense love, and razor-sharp intelligence that made it easy to hold on to the hope that she would hold on.
My mom could bring out in me a feeling of wild, raucous joy blasting out in all directions.
I don't think I know anyone who is so completely, thoroughly loving, who lived so completely for the sake of giving. Maybe that is why she brought out in me a sensation of being thoroughly, joyously alive and a compulsion to sing, skip, and clap my hands.
I do believe that there is a current of joy running through the universe, and I think the love I felt with my Mom set me free to tap into it.
I think her extraordinary love for animals, for her family, for plants and her garden and kids and babies and the world, just made it OK to be who I was, uninhibited.
I think that maybe the natural state of things is for people to go around singing and skipping and clapping their hands and saying HI MUM HI MUM HI MUM HI MUM HI MUM, and my mom's acceptance and love and bemused, exasperated acceptance made it OK to lapse into that natural state of things.I know that I owe some essential things to my Mom.
My love of nature, and my feeling of kinship with trees and plants and green things that grow.
My love of animals, and my propensity to talk with them as if they understand every word.
My belief that derision is the surest sign of affection.
And there are other things that I will never be able to do like my Mom did.
Her culinary talent and her knack for entertaining
Her creativity and artistry with all the things she made, the mosaics,
I am still not sure how to go on without all that. I guess you do it by being thankful for what we had, like that one week in the Adirondacks just two weeks before she died, when she got to be in the only place she wanted to be. I am so glad I spent time with her just sitting in her garden, sitting at the kitchen table, going for short walks, driving and talking.
And I guess you do it by keeping alive all the things she represented, the irreverence, the humor, the love of family and animals and nature, and the wild, unfettered, ridiculous blast of joy.
My Mom was my blog's most devoted reader, and she loved it when I wrote a post that celebrated her and celebrated our family. She was moved when my blog friends said nice things in response to my posts about her and about my childhood. My Mom sometimes felt unappreciated, and those posts were a way to try to fix that.
Mom, we will miss having you here with us but will think of you as a bright stream of laughter coursing through the universe, a blast of energy bringing your vitality to all living things and nourishing gardens of green growing life as you did when you were here.
From Mariam Said:
ReplyDeleteI was very sorry to hear about Dolly's passing. Please accept my deepest sympathies and sincerest condolences.
Dolly was a warm generous person and I have so many fond memories of her. Memories from Tompkins Hall where Kirsten and Najla attended nursery school to the times we all spent on campus running after the kids and chatting. The wonderful parties she gave and her positive attitude, and keen insight on what is going on around her. She will be missed and most of all by you all. It is always hard to lose a spouse or a parent. The consolation is always in the beautiful memories.
I am sorry not to be with you on Aug 1st. to celebrate her life. At the moment I am out of the country.
Again my deepest sympathies and love to you all
Mariam
From Michael Rosenthal:
ReplyDeleteAs I am sure you recognize, it was impossible to know Dolly and not to love her--for her brilliance, her humor, her integrity, her feistiness, her absolute unwillingness to put up with crap of any sort. I just never met anybody who didn't understand that Dolly was the real thing, an uncompromising bastion of honesty and strength and compassion. And, of course, enormous fun. The four of us laughed our way through departmental nonsense. The memories of uproarious nights of eating and drinking will always be with Judy and me. She was a rare person and a glorious friend. To say we will miss her is a cruel understatement.
From Judy Rosenthal:
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts about Dolly really are reminiscences that include all the Stades over the many years that we shared together at Columbia for more than forty years; with children on the campus, in the department, at Camp Columbia, at dinner parties. Dolly was always the organizing and energizing force whether it was supper in the kitchen or a mega Christmas party with endless hors d'oeuvres, casserole, baked desserts. Dolly (and George) did it all, from hand made Christmas decorations to endless party drinks. But all with time for friends and four children and how many dogs? There was always warm, loving camaraderie.
I have an especially fond memory of the challenge we took on to prepare a College party for Dean Arnold Collery for some 320 people. Together with Mariam Said we prepared so much food that by late afternoon, minutes before the start of the party, we were rushing to smarten ourselves up to be respectable hostesses. Dolly looked out at the campus from the windows of Ferris Booth Hall and remarked on the "lengthening shadows." I have often heard her words as we have moved into our sunset years, witnessing the "lengthening shadows."
Dolly has preceded several of us. But for those of us who remain, she has left us with cherished memories.